The end of a relationship is one of life's difficult
transitions. How long it takes to move past this defining moment depends on
several factors, which can shorten or lengthen this time. One such occurrence
that may negatively affect your ability to forget and move on is when your ex
begins dating a new girlfriend.
Hugs All Around
One helpful strategy to lay your hurt feelings to rest is to
spend time with family and friends. They will give you encouragement, shower
you with heartwarming praise, and likely remind you why you are better off
without your ex. Being social with loved ones will also help you to relax and
let you share in some laughs, which both promote looking ahead to happier
times. Jeanne Seigle et al. suggest how to cope with a breakup, "Spend
time with people who support, value, and energize you... surround yourself with
people who are positive and who truly listen to you." Focusing on stable,
supportive relationships can lead you to a better place emotionally.
Look Carefully at the Hand You Have Been Dealt
According to researcher Elizabeth R. Wrape in her study of
coping strategies after a breakup, "rumination and avoidance significantly
contributed to global distress...." Spending time going over the details
of your breakup and the new girlfriend on the scene will not help you. It will
cause you more distress and hurt than if you can let go. Spend your time
grieving, reflecting and looking toward implementing changes in your life and
your next relationship. After which, try not to waste any time moving on. Do
not avoid dealing with the breakup or ignore the pain you feel because your ex
has a new girlfriend. Accept these facts and the feelings they create to
identify positive ways to learn from this experience.
Engage Your Mind
Forgetting about an ex can feel like an insurmountable task,
particularly if you are living the same life as before the breakup. Add in the
fact that your ex is dating again and you've got yourself an inner war brewing.
To avoid constant preoccupation with the breakup and new girlfriend engage your
mind with new and exciting adventures. Take up a new hobby, go for a friends'
night out for some chit-chat and dancing, play a game of online Boggle, watch a
comedy, take a yoga class and do all of these in one fun-filled day. If you
load up your life with nonstop activity, you can carry yourself from one day to
the next with greater ease and less distress; a healthy state of mind and being
will help the healing process begin.
Out with the Old and in with the New?
The answer: definitely not! Bruce Fisher and Rovert E. Alberti
in "Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends" emphasize, "Some of
us are seduced into another important love relationship before learning all we
can from the pain." They suggest that if you do not work to resolve any
remaining hurt -- and obstacles carried over from past relationships -- that
these issues will remain and resurface in future unions. So, don't rush into a
new relationship in an attempt to forget your ex or because a new girlfriend
has entered your ex's life. Chances are that if your ex didn't examine why your
relationship failed, the new girlfriend will not be around for too long.
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